Progress Report 12-30-17

Reconnection is the healing goal of the day. The book suggested I reestablish contact with ten people with whom I've fallen out of touch. I felt a little silly making a list of people I needed to reconnect with in my life but I realized throughout different periods of my growth and development there have been several relationships that made me feel so full.

I texted my childhood best friend Zoe, and friend I made at a church camp who I used to text with and have phone calls with frequently. After I started writing to them I realized how cathartic and healing it is to tell someone, "I did wrong to you and our relationship, I'm sorry, and I want to start again. I didn't value you enough and the relationship eroded but I'm willing to put in the work this time." It takes two people to separate, Tyler, my friend from church camp, reminded me. Still, I am optimistic that when two people still care deeply for one another, they can make the time to reconnect and share something beautiful between the two of them.

I didn't expect this idea to remind me of my ex. But it did. In the best way. I love him. I want to reconnect. Perhaps, a relationship wasn't right, but friendship is possible and I feel very comfortable with that.

Day Eleven:

Self Love: How would you lovingly describe yourself to a stranger?

I would say I'm generally kind, considerate, patient, and forgiving. I have strong convictions and a loving heart. I want justice in the world and for the people who inhabit it. I am curious. I am silly, and I am joyful.

Know Yourself Better: What or whom gives me comfort?

Oreo, my electric blanket, Megan (my teddy bear), Hot Chocolate, my house

Self Aware: How do I respond to situations that force me to get out of my comfort zone?

I tell myself it's good to get out of my comfort zone and that it's okay to be scared at first.

Know Thyself: If life stopped today what would you regret not doing?

Telling my ex I would like to try again. That is today's revelation, and no matter how he responds I would want him to know that I love him no matter what. 

Gratitude: Write about a person you can call

 Having just gotten off the phone with Tyler I want to write about him. We met the summer after my freshman year, when I had first started seeing Ben. We had been dating seven months and the romance had started to fade. I saw Tyler, and he looked very similar to Ben who I was missing a lot at the time. I decided to take particular interest in him and make excuses to talk to him whenever possible. At the end of the week we exchanged phone numbers and texted occasionally. Throughout my sophomore year we called and texted a lot as we both experienced problems in our relationship, in our faith, and tried to be more mindful. Tonight he told me that in the last six months he and his current girlfriend experienced very similar struggles as my ex and I. He explained that dating her was like dancing with a girl who was wearing heels, and a very bad dancer. She didn't mean to crush his feet every second, and so he forgave her. When he finally asked her to take the bloody heels off she refused because of her vanity and self interest. He said that there are plenty of people on the dance floor, some better dancers, and some people not even wearing heels. He didn't have to keep the same partner no matter how much he loved her. They decided to take a break, but fought constantly and are now broken up. I am thankful for the time of self reflection my ex has given me by respecting my boundaries and abstaining from contacting me but now reflecting on our experience, the joys of reconnection, and what my needs are I expect to be a better self advocate if we tried again. I am thankful for Tyler and his late night phone calls because they always let me know that God is watching out for me and friends are not merely stars, but shooting stars, they come in and out of orbit and burn brightly.