Progress Report 12-25-17

Self Love: What do you need to forgive yourself for?

Having negative emotions

Be More Positive: Give a genuine compliment to three people

My aunt is a saint, incredibly selfless and full of love. My grandmother is a brilliant woman. My sister is courageous in the face of her daily terror.

Know Yourself Better: What new activities are you willing to try

Joining the service frat, or the disabilities honor frat. 

Self-Aware: How do I deal with a negative environment?

Flight. I try to get away as fast as possible and if I can't I stick it out and hope for the best.

Self Care: Do your laundry (I could stand to put it away! I will be home for three more weeks, might as well get comfortable)

Know Thyself: Think about a person you truly admire. What qualities do you like about that person?

Self assurance, forgiveness, certainty, compassion, kindness, empathy

Attitude Adjustment:  No complaints
Happiness: Talk to a friend (today Pam, Grace, and I talked for nearly fifty miles about mental health driving back home. Talking is so cathartic and I learn so much about myself. Wednesday I am going back to therapy with my therapist from high school and I can't wait to talk through all of these feelings with her)

Gratitude: Write about a friend you are grateful for

Esther wrote me a christmas email today. I am so grateful for the example she has provided me in faith and life. She is forgiving and loving. She is never cruel or petty. She feels hurt and pain but manages it healthily. She handles confrontation and conflict by finding productive solutions. She has so much poise and control over her life. She is a beacon of hope for me. She has been the friend I do not deserve, but exactly what I need. I miss her. This is our first Christmas apart and I feel empty without her. I also feel like she is the person who can best handle this break up, but I am proud of her for everything she is doing. The distance is difficult but I am proud of her. I love her. I am grateful for her.

Move Forward: Learn from mistakes


I am thankful for the baby in a manger. I am thankful for family. I am thankful for car rides of productive conversation and introspection.

Today's breakup chapter is all about introspection. It felt weird to think about my breakup on Christmas, but that's all I could think about. I am learning so much about myself, but I cried tonight because I realize even self-improvement will not get him back. I knew that. I did at one point. I knew when I started my disciplines and challenges that this self awareness and improvement will stay with me forever. I knew I wanted to grow so I could be better. But on Christmas, the holiday of supreme love, I was overcome by thoughts of the love I have lost and not the love around me. I felt worry. I felt emptiness.

Talking to my mother and sister on the car ride back reminded me that other people feel the way I do. It is normal. It is natural. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I am a child of God. I have been saved. I am capable of learning and growing. I want to learn and grow, for me.