Contact has been reestablished for a few days, and I'm already feeling that this is the wrong call. There was this first moment of complete relief as we started into a conversation about the Walk the Moon concert (which, update, I did have a panic attack when a tinder match told me that he was going to be there the night before). I ended the conversation and it went to bed. It should have ended then, but of course I texted him the next day, asking a question that had been on my mind: had he seen the exquisite corpse music video?!?!
So much that is wonderful is going on in my life right now, I want to bring him up to speed and share that with him, but this trivial light, essentially empty text conversation makes me feel nothing but anxious. I don't really want shallow conversation, I don't want a surface level friend. I know that this is a brand new relationship and that we obviously can't be close right off the bat, but it's just not very fulfilling and I found yesterday that I was spending a lot of time waiting on him to text me, and that's not good for me. I don't want to wait on him, I want to keep living my life separately. I'm thriving as an individual, and I don't want to be a puppet on his string. It just feels wrong.
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