Day Four

Self Love: What is a compliment that you struggle to accept about yourself?

I've gotten pretty good at accepting compliments, but I think I still have a hard time accepting: You are too xxx. I don't believe anyone is too xxx for anyone else. One can never be too smart or too kind or too forgiving. But maybe what I should take notice of is what that compliment actually means, it doesn't mean I have an overabundance of something, it is that the person telling me so can not reciprocate this quality in equal amount.

Be More Positive: Do 3 things to cut negativity out of your life.

I felt negatively about one of my cousin's children and her difficulty sharing but I replaced anger with compassion. I am not sure if this counts as one of those three things, but every time I notice anger I wish to be more thoughtful about why I am angry and understand what other emotions I can choose rather than to sit with the negative emotion

Know Yourself Better: What am I ashamed of?

The way I hold onto grudges

Self-Aware: How do I deal with inconvenient life situations

If I can handle it, begrudgingly. If I can't handle it, panic

Self Care: Clean out your social media feeds

Last night I deleted and blocked a girl who I'd known since middle school because I realized I was upset she continued to have a window into my life despite never having an intimate relationship with me. She pursued my social media though never made a physical effort to be my friend and so instead of being angry I decided my life would be better without acknowledging her. I perhaps will do this some more today!

Know Thyself: Who would you love to meet? What would you ask?

Adam Lambert, because I was so aggressively bullied in elementary school and following him on American Idol introduced me to a new group of friends who would love and support and protect me. I owe him my life in a lot of ways. He is a hero. 

I might ask him what it's like to perform with Brian May and Queen. I might ask him about times when he's had to be brave. I might ask him about how he handles heart break. Why songs like "Sleep Walker,""Take Back," "Another Lonely Night," and others are so peppy and upbeat even when there is so much anger, pain, and sadness in the lyrics. I'd ask him about what loyalty means to him. I'd ask him about therapy, yoga, and his favorite tattoos. I'd ask for makeup tips and advice! I'd ask for his phone number so we could become friends.

Attitude Adjustment: Five Things I am thankful for

Finding Nemo, A leather purse, a fitbit, gorilla glue, Christ

Happiness: Have an early night (I probably will go to sleep early. I usually do at Grandma's)

Gratitude: a form of movement you are grateful for

I am grateful for typing. I have never had legible hand writing but I would be one hell of a stenographer. I learned to type with a Mavis Beacon typing software as a gift from my grandmother. She knew how much I loved to write and being a good typist has truly given me a much more convenient way to explore creativity. Writing poetry and prose and expository essays on a computer makes work timeless. My thoughts are protected. If I couldn't type I couldn't blog. And because I blog I am a better person. I am more self aware. I am happier. 

Move Forward: Face and Fix problems.

The biggest problem I face is having the self restraint not to talk to my ex even though I desperately want to.  My blog has been one way of facing this problem and all of these challenges help me fix it. My break up book has helped a little, but ultimately the introspection achieved on this blog is the greatest tool in self-recovery, self-respect, and self improvement. I am moving forward because I am blogging.